07 May 2008

Headless Ken didn't make it today

First off, I will resume where I left off yesterday...with Dooce. It would seem she wasn't on the Today show today. In fact she will now be on tomorrow. Not that I am her publicist, personal assistant or I even know her. Why am I divulging all this? I guess because I stand corrected. I don't want to misinform the internet.


So, I thought I would sneak off yesterday and just relax for 1 real minute. All I needed was just a breather for one minute. Things are hectic and crazy and we found ourselves at each other's throats all day. I swear, we are like oil and water some days - *Mila* and I. *Steve* just took his "Dick van dyke caught in a tornado with prickly thorns" to work with him. As I was saying, I lay down to get my wits about me, when I heard a terrible racket.

Somehow, clothes were strewn about and there was a sing song happening. Followed with a "MOMMY! MOMMY! WHERE ARE YOU? COME HERE AND SEE ME DANCING! IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU COME HERE RIGHT NOW! WHERE ARE YOU?" Then her panic set in. This was all happening faster than Homer J. Simpson can swallow a Duff beer.

I thought for one second, maybe those new neighbours will be moving out soon when they hear all the racket coming from us. Maybe. Then I spied what was going on next door and I don't want to know about the lady in the hot tub.

More urgent requests came demanding that I see what was going on. There were many voices and I was sure that there was a party going on. Who did she invite into our house? Who is the red head?

Crazy Haired Doode and his girlfriend were in the kitchen eating all our food like it was the Last Supper or something.

One more thing. If your name is Dave and you live near Lake of the Woods and you lack all sense of morals and ethics and you are bothering my father, please desist. For I will now be digging out my voodoo doll of you once again and stabbing it with big gouging knives covered in nasty pesticides. True. I'm heading out to the garage now as we speak. Grab a plane back to the Green Land of Leprechauns and start your shoemaker career DAVE!

signed, the willow

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