"...Um, I am going to be a princess, but don't tell anyone"

I spend one morning a week volunteering in *Mila*'s classroom. I am growing to really love these kids in her class. They are a really nice group and I honestly thought I would be praising the abilities of my daughter and comparing her to her immature counterparts. But no, I am pleasantly surprised with this group. They compliment each other very nicely and they will hopefully form the same class for the next 8 years or more.

The class has been discussing their costumes and I love the stark contrast between the boys and girls at this age. *Mila* and her new girl friends have made their announcements about which princess or Barbie character they will be. "I am going to be a princess, but don't tell anyone", each of the girls told me. Okay, I won't tell anyone, just the entire INTERNET that "Surprise! Yet another 4-year-old girl will be wearing a princess costume." And the boys? Well, one said Spiderman, another was planning on Batman, and the sweetest, youngest and cutest boy in the class? Well, he's going to be "A GUY WITH A BUNCH OF KNIVES AND SWORDS AND STUFF".

Me? I'm going to be Britney Spears buying a trashy magazine from a gas station.

signed, the willow

Somedays, I miss you Winnipeg

When it is cold and I have to wear a winter coat, I think about those -40 degree days in Winnipeg. Parking was outdoors. Or if it wasn't, it may as well have been since the walls were open and the elements were welcomed in.

When I think of you, Winnipeg, I think of the times (the many times) that you were the murder capital of Canada.

When I think of you, Winnipeg, I think of the Eatons Building. That you tore down to make a hockey rink. I know, blame the Eaton family.








When I think of you, Winnipeg, I think of the cash that poured in on those garage sales! Whoa Nellie. Nobody spends money on a garage sale, quite like a Winnipegger. And they have them in their garages, they take their cars out of the garage and host them inside the garage! Yes, Toronto, they park their cars in their garages!

When I think of you, Winnipeg, I think of my little cutie house that I once owned and so loved. If you are ever in Winnipeg, please drive by the BDI and tell me if it still is these same colours.

When I think of you, Winnipeg, I think of Icelanders. Yes, Winnipeg, you know what an Icelander is. Someone from Iceland. Like, the World's Strongest Man? Sure! And heck, we're all related, us Vikings, that is.

When I think of you, Winnipeg, I think of the Forks and all the great times we had there. Remember, Winnipeg when *Steve* came down with his horse that day and pretended to have long braids? Good Times Winnipeg, good times.
signed, the willow

Hey America, you can do it VOTE!

To our American friends to the South of us (and North, in the case of Ms. Palin) VOTE dammit.

Avaaz has a lovely video to look at that will make you feel all cozy inside (don't forget to sign their petition. Hey, maybe being an American isn't so bad after all. Even that dude in Iran says he likes you. But I think if he had to choose between helping a tourist with a flat tire, the maple leaf blazed backpack would get his help first. Can't help teasing you America, I AM CANADIAN.

Disclaimer: In no ways is this blog entry meant to offend my gran who is one of the biggest George W. Bush promoters ever to walk on the entire face of this earth. "W" can't run for another election, anyhow. We just want the Americans to smarten the hell up, get with the bloody program and stop dictating to the rest of the world what we are all doing wrong and then "tanking" our economies.

signed, the red, white & willow

Five....Five Dollar....Five Dollar Foot Malones

Remember misinterpreting the words to your favourite 80s Rock song? For *Steve* it was "ROCK OR DIE". When in fact the words are "One more time" by Streetheart. *Steve* actually felt that he was going to die if he didn't rock hard enough while sporting his headband and Kenora Dinner Jacket at a Winnipeg Arena Concert.

For me, I was sure that the words from the ELO song was "Don't bring me down, Bruce". Apparently it was "Don't bring me down, grrrroooss". Really? Grrrroooss? What the hell is Grrroooss? Wouldn't it make more sense if Bruce didn't bring him down?

And for *Mila*, well remember this is Canada and in Canada we learn the metric system. So what is a footlong? Not much to a 4-year-old in 2008. Overheard in the car (to the tune of the Subway commercial): "Five....Five Dollar....Five Dollar Foot-Malones". Who are the Foot Malones?

signed, the willow

I have died and gone to kitchen. Well, not yet!

This is the BEFORE picture of my kitchen in its most natural state...perpetual mess. That's right, you heard it here first (unless you're on Facebook): Miss Willow gets new IKEA kitchen.

Doooo-dooo-dooo-dooo-doooo-doooo-doooo-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-dum-dum. to the tune of the Jeopardy theme song.

So, I have been sitting on my hands waiting for them to call so I can pick up my flatpacks.

signed, the willow

A faint reminder

What was I reminding myself of here? That's all I've been doing for the past 5 years of my life. Observing and feeling. That and cleaning up messes.

signed, the willow

If you give a dog a wig

I swear she had a great time being a blonde! Don't you think she's been around the block a few too many times?

signed, the willow

Popsicle Park

If there is one thing we can be sure of, it's the fact that *Mila* names every park we have ever been to. There is Dinosaur Park, Panda Bear Park, Alligator Park, Birdie Park, and let's not forget Popsicle Park. Popsicle Park does not have a playground, but it has Popsicles. And then there is "one close to Daddy's work". Um, would that be downtown Toronto? I don't know that one. Well, it turns out that *Mila* is under the impression that her Dad goes underground every morning and works in a hole under the train tracks with his shirt and tie. Yep. That's where all good office workers go. We send them down underground into a cold dark hole to fester with their Blackberries and laptops. We've been through it a hundred and ninety seven times this month: "Dad works in Toronto. Not at the GO station." Is that why when the train pulls up she's all "Where's Dad? There he is." The first bald guy out of the station is ALWAYS her Dad! Next time let's make sure Daddy pays attention to us too and doesn't get in an identical car with a middle-aged man again.

signed, the willow

All of my ideas, gone, stolen! ARRRGH!

I have to tell you that I have had so many ideas. So many. And I never act on them in time. Instead, I tell my ideas to my confidantes, who then in turn relay them to their confidantes, and so on....until some of these confidantes turn out to be spies for Hollywood! I could have co-written the screenplay for Mean Girls with Tina Fey. And now there is this show called "The Ex List". It's got such a sappy plot, I mean really. This girl goes to a fortune teller who tells her that she will get married within the year or she'll never ever get married. When she asks the seer who it is she'll marry, she's told it is someone she already had a relationship with. So she starts wracking her brain to figure out WHICH ex-boyfriend it will be. This is clearly a girl who loves to rattle off names of old beaus and their faults. But she reacquaints with them and finds some spark all over again. Could HE be the one? Or what about HIM? Um, okay. This is totally something I should have written!!! What is the matter with me? This was clearly my creative outlet to talk about each ex-boyfriend of mine and all their rattle-trap cars, their hair-brained schemes, and overall their general lack of etiquette. Since *Steve*, my husband, is clearly sick of all these stories - would he have watched my show if he was sipping a mai tai in the pool I bought him with my Hollywood dollars? I bet he would.

signed, the willow (someone's ex-girlfriend)

P.S. Check out what this creative artist decided to do with her Jerkface Collection

Guilty as Charged

This is *Steve* on the ferry. It has nothing to do with this blog post at all. I just felt like giving him the photo opp.

Why is it that we are quick to pick up the phone when there is a problem with a bill?

No one ever calls Mastercard and says "Thank you so much for sending me my bill on time! And I love the pretty colours you choose to print with your premium ink on my mega-weight paper bill! Yippeee!"

Or, on the flip side, we are quick to give someone a dirty look if they slow down and allow construction workers to finish their job so they don't have to back out of the way of traffic and get the slow-sign-waving-dude over to wave his sign STOP at the cars. Really now, buddy? Did you honestly think for one second that I had a momentary lapse of womanhood and couldn't understand what to do on the road when it was all like gravel and stuff and the yellow lines were all, like, missing and such? Or did you think that I might be trying to save your life in case that backhoe drove over your toe? Gimme some credit, I'm from the bush where the roads are gravel and lines don't exist. But we do actually stop our cars when mighty machines back out into traffic in front of us as a courtesy. Look it up, it is a word of ancient English: pronounced (Cur-ta-see).

sighed, the willow

Two-Thousand and Seven

I found this little notebook with various scribbles, lists and then I found this (in my writing from 2007, *Mila* was turning 3 that year):

2007:

January - sing, sing, sing
February - skating
March - Gramma visits & 3rd birthday!
April - Art school, new friends
May - hiking, colouring galore
June - trip to Soo
July - reading a few things (she was three!)
August - trip to Soo (did we leave and go back?)
September - swimming, CN Tower, Black Creek Village
October - art school, spelling
November - art school, reading & writing
December - Christmas, spelling

Highlights from year
- writing own name
- changed bedrooms
- art school
- swimming
- starting to read
- taking photos
- making friends
- skating
- colouring

You have been delightful in so many ways. You can jump, hop, dance and sing. You love to 'ham' it up and make up songs. You love to dance, act and dramatize EVERYTHING! You are expressive. You are intense. You are sensitive. You are observant. You are alert. You are aware. You do not blend in and we are so proud of you for that. I watched you watch today. It is your way of psyching yourself up to do something. Your cautiousness seems absurd to others around us. To us, it is perfectly acceptable, normal and warranted. This world is not what it used to be. You know the dangers better than the rest of us.

signed, the willow

Little things I find that make me swoon

Little things I find that make me swoon:

1. Fingerprints on my computer screen. They are always small and sticky in appearance. It makes me think that *Mila*'s hands have touched my LCD screen in wonderment of something amazing on you, internet.

2. A Radiohead song bringing tears to my eyes and a tug on my heartstrings that surprisingly popped up when I visited Princess Pepper Cloud and Her Ants' blog.

3. My lamb-y mug

4. Use for something that I decided to keep, because it has sentimental value and once held Dare candies on it at my parent's grocery store (now I find *Steve* filling it up with 3 decades of his Car & Driver magazines).

5. A page of scribbles

6. A scattering of paint chips

7. *Mila*'s necklace drawer that is always left open, as if she was in a mad dash getting dressed.

8. Something that was from my wedding and *Mila* cherishes (although she was never at the wedding - because she was not yet BORN!).

9. A reminder of Fall.

10. A life cycle pasted in my closet.

11. Backwards letters

12. An art project in progress.

13. A stinky old piece of junk that keeps finding its way into my life, with its attached creepiness (I'm sure this is where the hallway ghost came from).

14. Visits to my blog by you, internet!

signed, the willow

"I skate to where the puck is going to be..."

In the words of Mr. Wayne Gretzky, "I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been." I urge you to read what Mr. Warren Buffett has to say. He is not a stupid man. I'd rank him quite closely behind my dad. In fact Warren is so smart, he has been living in the same house since 1958 (he paid just over $30,000 for it) and I'm just guessing that he's paid off HIS mortgage! He collects a modest salary, has a modest lifestyle and he's one the world's wealthiest and smartest men. So do go read his words in the NY Times and remember the stock markets are having a giant SALE! Yippeee!

signed, the willow

Cutting Paper

I would say that this is how I cut paper, but that would be an insult to *Mila* and a compliment to myself. This is her paper cutting (her drawing on the left and her colouring on the right - yes, my colouring is on the left) and this belongs to some fabulous artists.....

mein inspiration.

signed, the willow without scissors

Dingo-Dongo

Boy at door selling papers: "Hi, I just wanted to let you know that we are doing a promotion with the Toronto Sun and you can sign up for $blah blah blah for blah blah blah weeks."

Me: "Oh, that's really nice. But you see, I did just sign up and pay for fifteen weeks and did not receive my Sun this Sunday. So I'm not going to be taking any more offers"

Boy (with sudden NY ghetto accent): "Oh. Did I just say the Toronto Sun? I meant to say the Hamilton Spectator!"

Me: "Well, you see I have newspaper-itis now since I pay for papers that I don't get."

Boy (walking, then running backwards): "Um, okay. Sorry about that"

signed, the willow

Buzz Buzz Pamplemousse Shampoo

For scrubbing down your extraordinarily dull hair. I have decided that *Mila* should have hair that is cruelty free too.

signed, the willow

When IKEA is closed

When IKEA is closed due to Thanksgiving, we have time to paint faces.

And time to jump in leaves!

Happy Thanksgiving. And I won't make sweet potato fries next year.

signed, the willow

Bald Men with No Money

I am finally putting my mutual fund experience and my statistics education together to make bad jokes.

signed, the willow

Jesus drives a Mercury

No really. Some people see him in their toast or on a potato chip, so why can't I see him in a Grand Marquis?

signed, the willow

Whooo's Who

When I hear the call of the loon, I am reminded of home. So this is serious business for me.

We always told each other about the romanticism associated with the loon's breeding habits. Apparently, this romantic thought is not so. Loons do not always mate for life. Loons are reluctant to breed and nest in polluted and de-sensitized habitats. They have abandoned lake-shore breeding grounds in Southern Ontario. Pollutants, oil spills, lead poisoning, mercury poisoning, and lake acidity can cause vicious cycles that kill or bio-accumulate additional poisons. Take for example the acidity of the lake. The acidity can kill the loon (among other wildlife) and it can also increase the levels of mercury.

That's your mini-ecology lesson today.

signed, the willow

Meee-Oooow-Baa-Dop-Dop-Deee-Oooow

You heard me right. That would be the sappy song that starts off Candice Olson's 'Divine Design' show on WNetwork. Candice is a wonderful designer and slightly a goofball, but she seems so together all the time....which is odd, since she's a mother. For those of you nay-sayers, if you don't remember her svelte pregnancy silhoutte, do you remember her featured on WNetwork with other TV moms talking about buying a breast pump that she could contain on her back in the form of a backpack? Huh? Do ya?

So, you see Candice - she's a wonderful gal. She also has a wonderful team, "Hunky Paul" the carpenter and Chico the electrician are the ones that stand out. If you can't get Daniel from Peter Fallico, then get Paul. And Chico is irreplaceable! I mean does Chico live in Toronto? Because I need him here now. Chico, if you are out there reading this pathetic blog, come down to Waterdown and install my over-the-range microwave PULLLLLLLLEEEASE? And there will be pot lights galore as well for your arms to tire of. Terry sews things for Candice and I am just guessing, but I think I've seen him on 'Take This House and Sell It'.

Ok, so if you haven't done so already, click on the link above to take you to the 'Divine Design' website. It's organized well with an episode guide (that makes you wonder how Candice has time for all this) and lists every spanking detail she puts into a room. I became intrigued this morning with an ottoman that folded out into a double bed. It turned out to be a custom design, but novel indeed.

signed, the willow

If you move closer to IKEA will you shop more?

What do you think? If I move closer to IKEA, better adjust the mortgage payments to reflect.

signed, the willow

Stop It! Stop it! Stop it!!

This is the dog that chased the cat that chased the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.

And this is the dog that ate the grass that made her barf all over my rug that made me mad and chased her out with a broom until she ran after the damn cat in the first place!

signed, the willow

I just have THREE Questions for you

Just now on the phone I allowed "E" with her thick Jamaican accent to ask me her "three questions".

My transcript from the conversation, verbatim:

E: "Okay, so they want to know the first question, 'What is the most important issue to you and your family in this up-and-coming election?"

me: "The environment"

E: "And the second question they want to know is 'Who will you be voting for in the up-and-coming election? The Conservative Party, the Liberal party, the NDP, the Green Party?"

me: "Um, I prefer not to answer."

E: "Okay, so the third question they want to know is "Which party will you be leaning towards in the upcoming election? The Conservative Party, the Liberal party, the NDP, the Green Party?"

me: "Again, I prefer not to answer."

E: "Alright, and the fourth question they want to know is "How do you think the current leader of the government is doing?" Is he doing an excellent job, a very good job....etc"

me (in a less than concerned voice): "Oh, he's doing a very good job. Hey, wait a second, wasn't it just three questions?"

Typical. They say they're going to tax you once and they end up taxing you four times!

signed, the willow

You may say I'm a Dreamer

While I am thinking about taking the train into Toronto this Saturday night for Nuit Blanche, I stumbled across this. The Imagine Peace Tower which is located in Reykjavik, Iceland and a partnership between the City of Reykjavik, Reykjavik Art Museum, Yoko Ono, and Reykjavik Energy. I encourage you to send a wish. John Lennon had a soul that connected with so many people on this planet. While Ms. Yoko Ono has received a lot of criticism over the years, I give her the highest credit for allowing his spirit to live on. After all, isn't that what life is about? Leaving a mark on your world in a positive way?

signed, the willow