This is an on-going sore spot for me, garbage. In particular, it is usually the garbage close to where you live that bothers you the most. We decided that with it being "Green Saturday" for my blog and the sun was shining, it would make for a good family adventure to pick up that garbage that eats away at my soul. If you need a primer, click here and see what I mean. Now this is our adventure and I'd like to dedicate/address it to Mr. Garbage Dumping Coward.
Dear Mr. Garbage-Dumping Coward,
Yes, you with the red/burgundy minivan. You were last seen dumping your garbage (of the non-organic variety including large sheets of plastic) by Borer's Creek in Waterdown on Friday, May 9th, 2008 at approximately 4:30 pm. We were the ones running down the trail towards you waving our arms. Why did you drive away so fast? Was it something we said? Were you not supposed to dump your garbage there? Huh? Are you not supposed to dump your garbage in public places, especially so close to a creek? We were just wanting to talk to you for a minute and make friends. See, we've been admiring your garbage for quite some time. That was a nice toilet you dropped off and I love the laminate flooring scraps. They will make a nice home for the squirrels once they pick up their power tools at Rona!
You did make a major faux pas. You see, you happened to also ditch a nice paint tray with a very brightly coloured canary orange yellow remaining in it. A colour not found in nature, nor any living room I've ever seen. A colour that one would paint lines on concrete with and yes, I think I see some freshly painted yellow lines at your fine establishment on Dundas Street in Waterdown!
I suspect you might also have a cat as we picked up all your recyclables today. Right now, I bet you are settled back in your poorly decorated living room (as all criminals have to live in badly decorated homes so they don't blow their cover) and drinking your canned beer while you toss your can into the trash pile that you have piled in front of your 57" of cheap plasma pleasure. You'd laugh at us to know that we picked up your garbage and loaded in the back of our car, PAID for it's disposal at the transfer station and sorted your recyclables for you. 
It really wasn't that hard. And while we were the ones who had to endure the complaints of the 4-year-old that we brought with us, we smiled when we knew that we did something good and our little girl will some day too. 
I hope it's your kids that she manages to throw into a jail cell when she is a well respected lawyer and your turd piles are still selling drugs to teenagers at the skate park. Uh huh. So laugh all you want. We all know who the true loser is around here. 
Call me Mrs. Social Justice if you want, and when you least expect it (which will be in broad daylight, no less), someone will pop out of the bushes and start taking photos of your licence plate to email to the police, with videos too of your crimes!
I suspect you might also have a cat as we picked up all your recyclables today. Right now, I bet you are settled back in your poorly decorated living room (as all criminals have to live in badly decorated homes so they don't blow their cover) and drinking your canned beer while you toss your can into the trash pile that you have piled in front of your 57" of cheap plasma pleasure. You'd laugh at us to know that we picked up your garbage and loaded in the back of our car, PAID for it's disposal at the transfer station and sorted your recyclables for you. It really wasn't that hard. And while we were the ones who had to endure the complaints of the 4-year-old that we brought with us, we smiled when we knew that we did something good and our little girl will some day too. I hope it's your kids that she manages to throw into a jail cell when she is a well respected lawyer and your turd piles are still selling drugs to teenagers at the skate park. Uh huh. So laugh all you want. We all know who the true loser is around here. Call me Mrs. Social Justice if you want, and when you least expect it (which will be in broad daylight, no less), someone will pop out of the bushes and start taking photos of your licence plate to email to the police, with videos too of your crimes! One more thing. You see, I love my husband, *Steve* dearly and you clearly pissed him off. See below.
Along with the gas, that is running at $1.25 per litre, that we splurged on to get us to the Transfer Station and subsequently waited in line starting and stopping our engine or idling unnecessarily; the $8 it cost us to dispose of just some of YOUR junk (there is so much more to pick up); and now the cost of these beautiful cupcakes I had to make my family after for doing a good deed for our neighbourhood, country, and planet; you clearly owe me a lot. Do me a favour Mr. Garbage-Dumping Coward, stay home. Take your cheap beer cans, your kitty food containers for your very hungry cat, your broken toilet, your canary yellow paint, your assorted scraps of laminate flooring, your sod, your construction materials, your hazardous waste, your crap and dump it in the garbage your-damn-self. It won't stop me from picking up garbage or the countless other people who do the same thing. See, you'll never win.
Along with the gas, that is running at $1.25 per litre, that we splurged on to get us to the Transfer Station and subsequently waited in line starting and stopping our engine or idling unnecessarily; the $8 it cost us to dispose of just some of YOUR junk (there is so much more to pick up); and now the cost of these beautiful cupcakes I had to make my family after for doing a good deed for our neighbourhood, country, and planet; you clearly owe me a lot. Do me a favour Mr. Garbage-Dumping Coward, stay home. Take your cheap beer cans, your kitty food containers for your very hungry cat, your broken toilet, your canary yellow paint, your assorted scraps of laminate flooring, your sod, your construction materials, your hazardous waste, your crap and dump it in the garbage your-damn-self. It won't stop me from picking up garbage or the countless other people who do the same thing. See, you'll never win.
And you'll never eat these cupcakes!
signed, Mrs. Social Justice
signed the willow
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