Smooth Criminal

In honour of the police checks that *Steve* and I are enduring in order to volunteer at *Mila's* school this fall, I dedicate this smoothie to all the non-criminals out there who have been wrongly convicted. Take 1 cup of your favourite milk. I'm currently enjoying a little soy in my coffee. Pour the milk into your blender. Get ready for some blending.

Then add at least 1/2 cup of frozen woodland blueberries to that blender. Europe's Best is our new standby. *Mila* eats them by the gallon, so we always have at least one bag on hand. Look how impressed she is that I am blogging about HER blueberries.

Next get the vanilla extract away from the dog. Add in 1 tsp of vanilla to your mixture.

And no smoothie is complete without a splash of orange juice (1/4 cup would be plenty). You can also try lemon, which I'm sure is delicious. Next time I'm adding a teaspoon of wheat germ as well. So, blend up all your ingredients well and drink immediately through a straw. Remember to adjust your ingredients if you like your smoothies thicker or thinner.

signed, the willow

Meet The Instructables

IKEA Hacks on the Instructables

signed, the willow

Pssst! Pass it on!

Um, I am not whispering to you when I say "Psst! Pass it on!" In fact, hear what I say LOUDLY in full colour!

Meet 350.org. They are taking the initiative for us, the citizens of this, our very own planet, to spread the word. 350 ppm is the acceptable level of CO2 within the atmosphere. Currently, we are at 385 and we're only getting worse. I urge you to spread the word and do something. I'm putting on my thinking cap to find a creative way to spread the word in the GTA and I urge you to do the same in your area. We need to make a difference for our great grandchildren, our grandchildren, our children and even our own selfish egos. For we are living it and breathing it right now, this very second. It's our atmosphere, I dare you to do something.

signed, the willow

Mental Health Day

I completely lost my marbles yesterday. *Mila* has a ton of things going on and *Steve* and I have decided that it is not her "issues" that we need to deal with. It's my anxieties. As part of my Family Tree Friday, I am trying to face the demons that hide in my family tree. Part of changing what is going on is to change how I perceive things and what I can do about things. Tucked in closets and dusty corners, we all have families filled with skeletons and spiders. Some more than others. Some families have more members than others. And now-a-days, I think that if someone whimpers an ounce of "I feel sad", there are 17 drug salesmen lining up to sell a pack of Zoloft or drug-of-the-week. I'm not trying to say that we all need to sort out our problems without the drugs. But some things are manageable for some people some times.

It has taken my 36 of my 37 years to discover that I need to exercise fairly vigorously on a daily basis in order to release that serotonin that my brain cells crave. I figured it out and no, not every day is perfect. I'm sure I could use some of those drugs some days. But I choose to fight my battles this way. I will perfect my strong will.

signed, the willow

Rock Stars

I guess we paint rocks every year in anticipation of Canada Day. We rock.

signed, the willow

Move over Zsa Zsa

Have you gone to Winners lately? You should go.

Listen to me. Telling you what to do. Who do I think I am? My kid is wearing maribou slippers! My husband is downstairs in the boys room (powdering his nostrils) with the door wide open. And our dog? Well, she can speak Japanese, but we just can't interpret. So we just tell her she's doing a great job burping up the alphabet.

sayonara, the willow

Smartie Whiteboard

You have to love the IKEA in this inspiration. Take a plain old $9.99 magnet board from IKEA. Get the smartie magnets that go with all good BITS magnet boards and pick up a pack of dry erase markers in fun childish colours. Go crazy! And the fabric? Yes, IKEA. I have inherited the most useful tool known to a 20-something single gal from her 'pa': a staple gun. Staple the heck out of the back of an old dresser and dress it up. I love my craft table.

signed, the willow

Toasty Tortillas for Two

Toasty Tortillas

What will you need?

2 spinach tortillas
2 baby English cucumbers (seedless) diced with peel on
8 Ontario strawberry tomatoes (or grape tomatoes will work well)
1/2 cup chickpeas - mashed
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
2 tbsp mayonnaise OR 2 tbsp your favourite salad dressing
2 scallions diced
1/4 cup brown rice - uncooked

In a frying pan "pop" the brown rice until toasty but certainly not burnt. Set aside.

Mash the chickpeas. Add the mustard, mayo (or dressing), the cucumbers, the tomatoes, the rice and the scallions. Gently mix together and fill tortillas. Roll up and enjoy.

signed, the willow

Why IKEA is so successful

1. Flat packs

2. The shopping experience - sorry, you'll have to go there to see for yourself!






3. Low cost furnishings & making self-serve FUN (that mirror is $2.99)





4. Their restaurants and I hear the meatballs are yummy
(plus you can take home a pack for your carnivores)






5. The old standby's: BILLY, LACK, POANG (Sorry, not SUMA)

6. The fun bold Swedish patterns

7. Family Friendliness - IKEA designs things for you and your family

(if you want to display it behind glass you can - or you can just get the glass case at IKEA).

8. IKEA keeps my spell check employed.

9. The ads have always been outstanding

10. They send you a catalogue in the mail

The IKEA Way

11. They adhere to environmental standards and take fair trade to heart.

12. Form/Style

13. Function

14. Creativity - ATTENTION IKEA HACKERS!

15. Their showrooms look like home OR it's okay to have things messy

16. Living 10 minutes away from IKEA makes you never, ever want to move.

17. If someone tells you that they never shop there and they would never buy ANYTHING at IKEA...THEY ARE BIG FAT LIARS! Everyone has bought one pack of napkins, a BILLY bookcase, a RIBBA picture frame or had a 50 cent hot dog! These liars are known as "BIG FAT LIARS THAT PRETEND THEY ARE TOO GOOD FOR IKEA!" Ha! We all know that IKEA is too good for these people.





18. They always let kids be kids and grown-ups be kids too.





19. They allowed Mark Malkoff to live in their store. What other retail operation would do this?





20. Because I shop there, they stay in business!





signed, the willow

The View From Here

On Thursday morning, Lady of the Lake woke up to this at 6 a.m.

On that same Thursday morning, Willow Of The Wood woke up (at 6 a.m.) to this (at 7 a.m.).

Let's go back to that lake again.....

Then this came along and perturbed the Lady of the Lake with it's noise and the ripples that would cause the waves to kiss her toes at the shoreline.

And Willow Of the Wood?

Yes, she gets a "Johnny-on-the-spot" within earshot behind her house. Yep. And it faces her when she washes dishes, wakes up and looks out her bedroom window, runs on the treadmill, sits on her new deck, picks up dog poo in the backyard, eats her dinner and teaches *Mila* how to read. Oh and she looooves how there is no hand washing going on in there, but there is newspaper reading! Only men would think that it would be perfectly acceptable to take a newspaper into the porta-potty with them. Thank you "Mighty Machine Men". Lady of the Lake, your lake is calling the Willow's name and she's coming over!!!!

signed, the willow

Family Tree Day Deserves a Carbon Grove Tree

In case you are new to my blog or you are my reader...well, whatever. You will notice my carbon grove tree to the right. Microsoft provides the virtual seeds and Jackson Fish Market will plant the real tree in the location of your choice. Well, there are only 3 choices. You cannot plant the tree in your backyard. Yeah, I know! Wouldn't that be cool? So start reducing your carbon footprint and if gas costs you twice as much as it did 5 years ago. Stop your bitching and start driving 1/2 as much as you did then!

signed, the willow

Number your rainbows

I met a woman this week who told me that she woke her 3 year old son up to see a rainbow. A few years ago, I would have thought "Is she nuts?". Opening my eyes to the world around me, I realized that I just haven't seen many rainbows lately and we too roused our *Mila* from her sleepy thoughts to see that rainbow right before her head officially hit the pillow. Mila took her experience a step further this morning and raised my eyebrows with dividing her triangle into 8 sections (or 8 triangles as she put it to me) and coloured each a different colour, then numbered each. I love it. It's so "HER".

signed, the willow

*Mila*rific

*Mila*isms for last week:

1. "Daddy, when I'm grown up I'm going to find myself a guy. And he's going to look like you, except he'll have more hair and he won't be so fat."

- *Steve*, Darling, I swear to you I did not put her up to this!

2. "Mom, I love you. You are pretty and you're so skinny. And you don't have ginormous boobies like Gramma. You have medium sized boobies. When I get big, I'm going to have ginormous boobies like Gramma, right out to here!!!!"

- Gramma, again as above I did not put her up to this. If she flexes her muscles, I taught her that, yes. But not the booby size comparable. She's done that thought process on her own.

3. "Now, I'm going to rhyme the -un words. SUN. FUN. RUN. GUN. SPUN. PUN. That's too easy. I'll now rhyme the -unt words. HUNT." Now picture me screaming in our backyard: "NO!!!! We do not rhyme the -unt words in this house!" Which of course was followed with a "Why? Why can't we rhyme -unt words?"

- for my entire family, I can assure you she did not make it past hunt.

4. "That painting there is called 'Open Window' and the artist's name is....um....Monet....no! Matisse! Yeah, Matisse! And that one is a painting of Marilyn Monroe by Andy Somebody"

- Right there, she has just redeemed herself to all of us for all her sins. Smooch on the forehead and fade to black!

signed, the willow

Old Navy digs

We love to stretch our legs out at Old Navy and pick up a few items for the summer. *Mila* chose this navy top that has buttons down the front and a really blousy outline. I think the white capris are from H&M though. My new favourite haunt.

signed, the willow

Salad Pizza

Make sure you walk to the store to get the ingredients!
Thanks to Lady of the Lake for this recipe!

SALAD PIZZA

2 plum tomatoes, cored and sliced thin
I pizza shell (whole wheat store bought)
¼ tsp. each salt and pepper
¾ cup shredded mozza
3 tbsps grated parmesan
4 cups baby salad greens
3 tbsps light balsamic vinaigrette

Heat oven to 450. Spread tomato slices onto paper towels. Let sit 5 mins.
Place pizza shell on baking sheet. Top with tomatoes; sprinkle with salt & pepper. Bake @ 450 for 8 mins. Top with cheeses and continue to bake additional 5 mins.

Meanwhile, toss greens with dressing. Remove pizza from oven; top with salad. Cut into wedgies!

signed, the willow

What to do with your Glimmas

Happy Fathers Day Dad & *Steve*!

Here is your IKEA craft of the week.

Take 100 Glimmas - you will need all 100 for the evening.

or 42 Tindras. These are equally good and they're scented with yummy rootbeer flavours too!

Put them in an IKEA lantern of your choice. One at a time. Oh and light several lanterns.

Now, go get yourself a fondue fork. Remember the colour on the end!

Get a bag of mini marshmallows. Yes, mini marshmallows. This is for you and your little girl. Why do you have that bandaid mark on your leg still? I don't want to know. I guess I ripped it off a little too hard for you. Thanks for not crying.

And Voila! Instant fun!

Have a wonderful Fathers Day!

signed, the willow

Since it is Father's Day...

...this weekend.

Dear Dad,

I love you dearly. Very dearly. You put me through University when your career took a change. You educated me in the world of finance and hey, I had a successful career with the same company. We shared a pretty special bond during those days. We may have had our differences of opinions at times, but we've always learnt something from one another. I can share my Cliff Claven's encyclopedia of knowledge with Southern Ontario thanks to you. And I can aspire to one day be the daughter of a Canadian that will win multiple episodes of Jeopardy, whilst asking Alex Trebek what part of Sudbury he hails from. But, Dad. It's time you knew this...I am not NoImpactMAN! I don't know where this rumour started, but if you really think I am on the internet portraying a very eco-conscious man living in NYC, rest assured that it is not my alias.

Thanks for being my Dad, Dad. I love you.

Oh, for Eco-Saturday, this little video that is close to home for me. And this one too. Thank you Sarah Harmer for standing up for your/our backyard. Please visit Stop the Quarry.ca for more information.

signed, the willow

Is she the Original 'Party Pooper'?

Thank you to my favourite reader and guest blogger, Lady of the Lake....and yes, I do know *Daniece* and her bad habit! I think I'm still giggling thinking of the stories associated with potty dreams and her "chocolate surprise" leaving brother!

For “Friday’s Tree”, I’d like to write in form of simple rhyme.
The “Chosen One” is she, who lives and grows in modern time.

I’ll call her *Daniece* - not her name – her position.
(If you guess who it is, it’s mere supposition.)

She’s a gentle, sweet girl with a smile in her eyes.
And she doesn’t annoy us with “wherefores” and “whys”.

But, the habit of hers which I want to inscribe,
Is the topic, in general, of this diatribe.

For *Daniece* is a Dreamer of great magnitude,
But the place of her day-dreams is often quite rude !

She sits on the Toilet ! – (Oh yes, it is true)
And forgets all the chores which she still has to do.

And, sitting, she sails to a Land of her making;
While, outside, her brother, the door he is shaking !

But, *Daniece* is now “time-travelling”, and though it sounds droll,
Her vessel of choice is a white porcelain bowl !

When *Daniece* was a youngster, she’d sit in a stall,
And she’d sing and she’d “chit-chat” with no one at all.

(This routine of hers which became quite an issue,
Was also the cause of a world-shortage of tissue ! )

And once, with her family, while on the King’s highway;
*Daniece* had to stop for a break on the byway.

She went into the rest room and claimed up her space,
And a reverie descended on her in this place.

*Daniece* was so tardy, that everyone forgot her,
And the parents drove off without their fair daughter !

So, off they all went down the long, dusty road,
Leaving *Daniece* safely on the commode !

All of a sudden, someone remembered; “*Daniece*”!
They all cried aloud in a big burst of release!

And so it continues, after some fifteen years.
If *Daniece* is around and you’ve been drinking beers;

Don’t beat on the door, and likewise, don’t shake it.
Just go outside, if the pain you can’t take it.

For *Daniece* will be there with her lullaby dreams;
And, time passes her by as she sits there and schemes.

It’s her space, it’s her place; it’s the World of *Daniece*;
And the least we can do - is to give her some peace !

signed, the willow for the Lady of the Lake

Tools

I can't say I've been to Paris (France) to buy shoes, London (England) for a pint or Perth (Scotland) for a round of golf. Although I can say that I have been to all three within my own home province of Ontario.

Today I can tell you that I need tools for the trade I'm trying to pursue. Here is my working table:

Cost is under $50 for the making of this table. We purchased an old dresser from a yard sale, gave it a lick of paint, not perfectly and we knew it would need many more licks. Took out the large and decrepit drawers on the bottom and replaced them with two new melamine shelves. IKEA was where we purchased the handles in a two pack. I also purchased some striped fabric and lined the back of the table on the inside and outside. I love this table. No, really. I have an absolute attachment to it and in some way, I just want to hug it and kiss it. I should have devoted Thursdays to this craft table.

An essential tool for artsy moods, Faber Castell watercolour pencils. Yes, I know Laurentien pencil crayons are undoubtedly the best. But get a set of these for dabbling in water colours. These are from the folks at Lee Valley. One of my favourite stops. I always forget that they are closed on Sundays and I think of going to see them only on Sundays!

signed, the willow

He loves the drill, the deck, but not the water pistols

For our wedding anniversary, *Steve* received a drill from *Mila* and I. However, it has now become his Father's Day present as well. He just doesn't know that detail yet.

As well, my beloved brother completed this fine work of art, called a deck, for us.

And we topped it off with some furnishings that we scored at our local grocery store on sale. Boy, we had a grocery store and I don't remember people buying furniture or clothes from us quite the same way we purchase these items from the Loblaws spinoff.

And then we gave our four-year-old daughter a 3-pack of water pistols. Look at that face!

And she followed up with squirting her Dad in the ass.

Then the "micro-cell" rolled in and a couple funnel clouds neared Paris (Ontario, not France, not Hilton) and it was game over.

signed, the willow

Another fine Weiner Spenderlunkendinken Creation

One of my favourite games from my childhood was Funny Folk. It was the favourite to my cousins and then to my niece and nephew. Now *Mila* makes it one of her favourites as well. I'm sure it reeks of German mind shaping and twisted-ness. But it's fun putting that sailor in a skirt.

signed, the willow

Paddy Thai

Hi! I'm Paddy. Paddy Thai.

1 package of wide rice noodles

2 tbsp olive oil
1 clove of garlic chopped, minced
12 mushrooms sliced
10 mini carrots sliced in slivers
1/2 red pepper sliced and diced
1/2 purple pepper

2 tsp grated fresh ginger
1/3 cup rice vinegar
2 tsp sugar
1-2 tbsp peanut butter
splash of Tabasco
1 tsp chili powder
3/4 cup vegetarian broth

2 scallions sliced

1 tbsp sesame oil (optional)
30-40 medium shrimp deveined, shelled and cooked (optional)

In a large pot prepare your noodles. Read the directions on the package. Generally the noodles are not boiled, but rather they are soaked for 7 minutes. Set aside. I toss them in an additional mixture of sugar, rice vinegar, salt pepper and oil. You can too!

In a large saucepan, fry garlic in oil. Add mushrooms and fry til brown. Add carrots and cook till slightly softer. Add peppers, ginger and then rice vinegar, broth, sesame oil (optional), Tabasco, chili powder, sugar and peanut butter. Boil until sauce begins to thicken. Add more water if necessary. Add noodles and stir to coat noodles with sauce. Top with scallions and toss with shrimp if wanted.

signed, the willow

The Line Nazi

That would be me. The "line Nazi". I am desperately trying to use life's little lessons to teach *Mila* about standing in line. She needs this vital skill for the next 13 years of school that she will be attending.

This week, we went to IKEA for our necessary shopping (ahem! LUNs are necessary) and when we stopped off for a hot dog, our lesson this week would begin. So, as *Mila* reached in the fridge behind us for an apple juice...this very large (non-Swedish) woman bonked her in the head with her extremely rude ass, while she walked right in front of us and stood by the cashier. This woman was not only budding in front of me and *Mila*, but the lady with her son behind us. I couldn't stand it. I've been working hard on teaching her to take her turn and this woman just cut us off! We were standing there waiting patiently for our turn and she was now going to take it away from us. Nuh-huh! Gulp, I swallowed and then she turned to us and said "Oh, I suppose it was your turn before me. Go ahead. Go ahead. You were obviously here before me."

"Um, yes and the lady behind us was here before you as well." I said. I think I saw my life flash before my eyes when I spoke to this large Amazonian.

She didn't reply. She just stared at me blankly. She really did cut us off on purpose with the intent of taking our turn.

So I said it again "The lady behind me was here before you as well."

"Oh, I know that", she uttered in her man-voice. "Life is too short to worry about cutting people off in line."

WHAT THE HELL? Was she speaking of herself or of me? She was the one cutting people off. What is going on? Is this the upside down version of the world I once belonged in?

"Well", I snickered, "I suppose I am the Line Nazi, aren't I?"

She completely ignored my comment. I suppose it wasn't politically correct, nor in her conversational English. She now began to talk to herself, "I hope I can make it to Waterdown in just 12 minutes. Maybe I should just skip the hot dogs all together." I wanted to glare her down at this point. We came down from Waterdown and if she expects to drive back up that hill in under 12 minutes, I'd hate to be the car in front of her....she now will be the tailgater that I love to hate.

Unfortunately, the lady behind me didn't know the history behind the hot dog line fight and let the Amazonian go in front of her! OH MAN! No lady, you aren't supposed to let her go first. So the Amazonian now took 19 hot dogs with her to the condiment kiosk and started to squirt ketchup and mustard all over IKEA (Keeping IKEA clean keeps the prices low, hello!).

Did I mention that I think this woman came from what I like to call "The Land of the Dull and the Ignorant"? Yes, there is such a land. And now there will be a label on my blog with such, thanks to her!

signed, the willow

Frankie Baby, you too!

I was not the one awake at 4 a.m., but Lady of the Lake was and she shared this bit of information with me concerning a show she watched at 4 a.m. about Lake Tahoe.

A bit of background here: When a lake becomes eutrophic, it means in layman's terms that the water is robbed of it's oxygen. First off, generally a pollutant or toxin would cause the lake to become void of it's natural life - this is called cultural or anthropogenic eutrophication (thank you very much University of Manitoba). Then the nasty algae would take over, and I do mean take over. Ultimately, it is the nutrients plants in excess that cause the damage. Isn't it Ironic, don't ya think? The sewage, the agricultural run-off, fertilizers, chemicals, the phosphorus, the nitrogen. We do the damage. The algal blooms begin to suffocate the lake. Fish die. Other plants and aquatic life dies. It's really a nasty situation. Take for example Lake Erie circa 1960s...nasty! Another good example of the wickedness of Cleveland!!!! And I don't mean Drew Carey's sitcom.

Now, back to Lake Tahoe.

It would seem as though the golf courses, resorts and the mansions placed on the shores of the once beautiful Lake Tahoe to celebrate it's pristine-ness and beauty are the source of all evil. Why yes, even the greed of Frank Sinatra caused this mess. So, what can be done about it? Huh? Frank is long gone. It is depressing and real. It's everywhere and it is the fault of mankind. Instead of ignoring what is going on, or rather not going on, it's time to stand up and take responsibility into our own hands today in whatever ways we can. A letter to a politician, a blog, a piece of garbage picked up, a day without chemicals, a day with little electricity. You are the key holder to this. Myself, I won't listen to any Sinatra for the year and I sure as hell won't be visiting Lake Tahoe anytime soon! I think I'll enjoy my own country and province and appreciate the fact that there is a piece of heaven here in Ontario.

signed, the willow

My buffet held pee

This old commode cupboard, which was once my grandmother's sewing table is affectionately known as "the buffet". It doesn't serve us as a buffet. Nor, did it ever serve us as a buffet. Well, now I've decided to lick it with my usual white paint treatment.

oh and by the way, it is not Style Tuesday today.

signed, the willow

Even I can Photoshop

This is one of 4 pictures I have of my very expression filled child, *Mila*. Our main floor powder room was already lilac coloured when we moved in and it's one of two rooms left to paint. But somehow, I love the colour when I'm in there. A friend/neighbour has been supplying me with the greatest lilacs due to their unfortunate allergies and my good fortune. I have a nice IKEA mat to match the colour of the wall and the black & white photos just give it that punch. So, you see, even I can photoshop.

signed, the willow

Movie Star Makeovers

We had to venture out last week for hairdos and after that *Mila* got a treat.

It was supposed to be a styling head for doing hair and makeup. This Bratz one, however, was the only one that had both hair and makeup. She is eligible for a full body makeover as well (??).

And this was what the box looked like when I lifted the lid. Yeah, 2 hours later and I had opened the damn thing.

*Mila* had a blast sparkling up her head and our house. And the Bratz girl? Well, she had a shower later on that next day as well.

signed, the willow

Looky Looky

I bought a shiny ring for my short fat fingers. I love it and I can't take it off! And no *Steve*, it is not made from lead!

signed, the willow