The Craft of Being Earnest

The Craft of Going to Kindergarten.
by *Mila*'s mom, Willow

Step One, get in car and resist parents to bring you to the school of their choice (no less).

Step Two: Look around and scope out all backpacks. Be wary of everyone and everyone. They are going to eat you for lunch and down your iced tea at snack time.

Step Three: Feign weak and pretend that your backpack is so heavy since your parents loaded it with bricks that you will carry in that darn polyester hunk on your back for the entire 10 months of school. When they see how weak you are, they will immediately rush you back to the car and give you cold milk and your favourite teddy bear, Emma.

Step Four: Hold on tight to your mom's hand. When she tries to let go, bite her and dig your heels deep into her shins in as she shoves you through the door past the spikes and burning hoops. She is sending you off to be tortured and you will never see her again. Don't let her cheesy grin and sleepy eyes fool you.

Step Five: When your parents actually do show up at 11:20 to get you, try to be ecstatic for their sake. Tell them all the stuff you did was fun and that you used the bathroom and ate the snails, I mean snack. When you find out that the car was moved, you'll know that they did not stay where you told them to. See, they really do useless things, like go to Timmy's, while you are at school.

Step Six: Celebrate later that night by screaming "KINDERGARTEN ROCKS" throughout the neighbourhood whilst strumming your tissue box guitar.

We love you baby. You did great today and yes, Kindergarten does rock!

signed, the willow (Kindergarten Rockstar's Mom)