I am sorry

I am sorry that this is a world where a grown woman collected assault weapons and felt it was her right to keep them in a  place where her grown son could access them.

I am sorry that this is a world where a murderer had access to assault weapons, which was more readily available than the help he needed.

I am sorry that this is a world where we glorify violence on tv and teach young children to shoot via video games.

I am sorry that this is a world much different than the world I grew up with.

I am sorry that this is a world with weapons.  All of them unnecessary.

I am sorry that this is a world that let those children lost their graceful innocence .

I am sorry that this is a world let them see, feel, hear, and witness this.

I am sorry that this world left the moms, dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents, friends, emergency teams, and a world that feels this heartbreak.

I am sorry that this is a world that has come to this.

I am sorry that this is a world with someone who violated the security of schools.

I am sorry that this is a world where we feel let down.

I am sorry that this is a world that I haven't made into a better place.


I am sorry.


for my *mila*

signed, the willow 

On occasion

On occasion we meet someone who cares enough to listen and pay attention.

*L* is one of these people that I was fortunate enough to meet.  An old soul and she's been chosen by my cousin to join him in life.  I've respected my little cousin (they're all littler than me in age) and looked forward to the moment that he'd marry and bring a wife into our nutso family. He didn't disappoint.  Funny thing is, because of geography and circumstance, I'm here in this obscure suburban city at the same point in life as they are.

It's rare, isn't it?  To spark a friendship so instantly? We've sparked a friendship and influenced each other more than we know.  Not in that silly old school girl way.  In a mature, eye-opening way.  I've just finished a portion of my life that I'd like to sweep under a carpet in some ways.  I made mistakes.  Big ones.  Mistakes I regret making.  Mistakes I am also thankful to have experienced.  I grew.  Grew in so many large leaps.  I gained some really great friends on that journey. Friends I long for and miss. Friendships have always presented themselves to me, but I refused to let myself get attached in the event that I would get attached and I'd get hurt.  Human nature goes here.  The unique friendships I gained in Muskoka were brief, but deep.

They affected me in a way that I had never expected.  There were women and some men that genuinely wanted to see my life's purpose work out.  What I didn't know then was, that was not my life's purpose.  It was the adversity I needed to face in order to pick myself up and dust myself off to discover my life's purpose.  Do I know what my purpose is?  Hmmm.  Maybe not perfectly clear on that yet.  I do now know that I feel better about myself.  

So, where is this all leading and where does it tie in back to *L*?  Well, what happened to me when I left that portion of  life behind and my friends situated on the map 3 hours north was I found a new friend.  Immediately. The first day we arrived back into our southern nest, she was an immediate and natural relief.  Opened her arms and hugged us.  She must have followed us from Muskoka where I had tearfully left so many great huggers behind.  She allowed me to be myself.  She's my instant friend and we've discovered so many great similarities and lessons to learn from each other.  We've learned to drag ourselves out to meet up with other new friends too.  And that's the best part.  We can teach each other how to be a friend.

Most importantly, I learned the other day that *L* clearly paid attention and cared.  She recognized that I'm celebrating a birthday this month and while it's not until later this month, her thoughtfulness reigned over the day and she brought me a special surprise.  One I did not expect.  One I certainly shall express my gratefulness here.  Grateful for listening and being a true friend.


A "K" mug.  So stylish and reminds me of 'Steven and Chris' but with edge and way more class.

A bag of coffee I've always wanted to try.  Named for a famous Canadian author (Guess who?) and also the name of my grandmother.  So very special.

A bag to hold it all with a motto that I live by.

And then there's this book.  One that I've been eyeballing online and dreaming that I'd go buy it when I was willing to part with my ...*ahem*... money.  Okay, okay:  my husband's money.  I dove right into that book and had trouble putting it down.  *L* really gets me.


I'm sure you feel the same about someone you've met.  Share.  And if you can't share it with me, share your story about a great friend with someone.  Shout it from the mountaintops.  Just don't hold it in like I did for so many years with so many really true friends, who still stand by my side.  You know who you are.

signed, the willow

My Attention Span is Waning

When this blog began, I wrote.  The odd photo appeared as a novelty:  from my own collection, my family, my own imagination.  Then, something changed.  (My lifestyle, most likely.)  I began to morph into so many other blogs out there.  Post a picture and write a caption. Copy. Paste.  Repeat.

Then *Steve* came home this week with a printed copy of my blog.  It was contained in a very large 3-ring binder and *Mila* and I began to pour through.  Some memories ruffled my feathers.  How could I be so silly to worry about all the menial things I worried about.  No excuse.  Somewhere in my journey of copy and paste (and that crazy life), I became grateful.  Time was again on my side.  I met some wonderful people that were very supportive and recognized many others who had been for quite some time, and yet I had not realized this.  

So, back to the big book of blog.  Like Elaine's big salad.  (right here I was suctioned into the world of Seinfeld only to re-emerge 20 minutes later), I realized how much substance I was adding.  An expression of myself, as pathetic as that may seem to some.  It was my outlet when I wanted to scream.  It went away when I channeled my energy onto a window display, a 6 mile run, P90X, or raising my child.  Then *Steve* put it to me quite bluntly, "You used to write.  You don't do that anymore."  Why?  My attention span was waning as was the rest of the world's.  I found that one paragraph was enough to read.  So, why would someone want to read more than one paragraph?  I'm taking the time again.  For me. Maybe I can paint, or document to some degree, write a tad, photo-journalize my life, blog it, print it, and take time to read it and ENJOY IT.

And now for something completely different.

Little Red SumaDog. 

Twinkie sitting there waiting for some love or bunny crack, which would be this stuff.

You can be sure that this story doesn't have an end.  Only had a brief rest period from the prose and written jargon.  As The Terminator once said "I'll be back".  And, he did come back for Terminator 2  and Terminator 3.  That's for you *Steve* ;)

signed, the willow

Soul Searching

"Willow?  Are you there?"

Yes and my soul searching is coming to a close, for now.  This chapter is ending and there are all sorts of new beginnings for me and the family.  I pursued, chased and tracked down what I wanted to be my dream.  It wasn't my dream.  And now I am forced to face the realities of closing the chapter on the dusty old dream that belonged to someone else.  Instead of feeling regret and failure, I've decided to feel growth.  My heart grew bigger, my brain grew a bit bigger, my confidence grew tremendously, my little girl grew tremendously and my list of true friends grew greatly.  With all the successes I've had on my journey I have no reason to look back in fear, regret or failure.  I grew as a person and now I'm entering the next chapter, as uncertain as it seems right now.

...now back to blogging....

signed, the willow