How clear should I be?

Could I be any clearer? I should have splurged on a few more letters and spelled out: "Wash your filthy hands you dirty bugger". The letters are not crooked. I was when I clicked the camera. Oh and my mom is the one who stuck the letter "S" on upside down. Ta-da.

Style Tuesday is here again. As is Earth Day. Sorry, I didn't plan on anything recyclable in my house for Earth Day as my style item. Next week. Around Earth Day 1999, I bought my first house in Winnipeg. On Earth Day 2000, *Steve* moved into said house after knowing him for a short 8 months. (Note: 2 months after this, *Steve* lost his job! Yes. And I let him stay. See, what happens when your Feng Shui in the relationship corner is too auspicious!) Earth Day 2001, Suma came to live with us and be our dog. All good has come this way on Earth Day.

This year on Earth Day, I spilled hot coffee on *Mila's* head. Then she squeezed her finger in a hair clip and gave herself a blood blister. Let's see, she strapped herself into the grocery cart and then frantically begged me to get her out. I try relentlessly to get her out and she is screaming at me. The whole time I am thinking that her shoe is caught in the cart. No, dumb ass, she is strapped in! Then we load up the groceries for the payment period and the cashier tells me that the bottled water (yes, on Earth Day...do not tell David Suzuki that I am addicted to drinking Mississauga tap water from plastic bottles) is the same price for 24 as it is for 12 bottles. So, I ditch *Mila* and the cart, dash back to get 2 cases of 24 (in Ontario, we would just say cases...but for you Manitobans out there, a case is 24 bottles, not 12). When I get back the lady who is behind me asks me (nasal tone must be explicitly added when reading this) "How much is that water?" I give her a polite answer, although she is standing in my way, so is her Dorito sized ass and so is her Dorito sized son. As I puff and pant with my 2 cases, she says "Oh, I don't want it then." Like I care. Did she think I was going to run back and get her two cases as well? Not on your life! You can drink your Wabigoon Township water, Lady. Now I am wedged between her cart and my own. My arms are full and there *Mila* sits in the cart singing "How will she know that you love her" from the movie 'Enchanted'. So, as any mother would do, I hip check the cart. To which it goes fledgling past the end of the checkout and right in front of an elderly couple. They just stand there in amazement as my daughter goes crashing into a display of potting soil. Uh-huh. The woman gave me the dirtiest look as if to say "What is wrong with you pushing your child like that?" While her husband gave me this look of "How strong you are to carry two cases of water like that and smile at me as I go by? Where did that kid in the runaway cart come from? Oh well." Did I get hit by a car in the parking lot too? I'm having trouble remembering the rest of the afternoon. I guess that would explain that the rest of the day didn't get any better. At least I didn't have to take my mother-in-law's dentures in for repair in a town 100 km away and have the power go out in the entire town, only to return with the repaired dentures 8 hours later and teeth 8 mm longer.

signed, the willow

The Pieman

This is a sinister topic for the day. See, we do all have a dark side. Britney manifests her's in the form of a British accent (and a bad one at that). I've tried to do dark art, but in it still lurks petals, leaves and polkadots. Let me talk here about a pieman. He's wafting the fresh aroma of a pie in front of someone's face right now. It's really ticking me off to say the least. I've tried to let this little demon bugger off, but he won't. He keeps finding his way back inside my head tormenting me. I'm worrying about the hungry Simple Simon who wants the pie. I think Simon's appetite is fading and it is my psyche that is now hungry.

When things get out of hand like this, I find myself resorting to Feng Shui. An ancient art of harmonious placement. I once stuck a Go Train pass in *Steve's* work shirt, framed the shirt and put it in the "career corner". No word of a lie, within a month or less, *Steve* was out of his dead end job and on to bigger and better things in Toronto, taking the train everyday. Be careful what you wish for!

On a more sinister note, I will now construct a voodoo doll of the Pieman. While I'm at it, I've got a little leprechaun doll to make too. The Leprechaun is not going to get off as easy as the Pieman. Mick O'Dick is going to get the short end of the stick. He's not going to like where I shove it either.

Coming tomorrow, pictures of the Pieman and the Leprechaun.

signed, the willow

He makes holes. Many, many holes.

Now I want to know...*Steve* what on earth did you do above the bookcase in *Mila's* room?


We have a stud finder. Did you use it? Do you know where it is? Because I'm just guessing, but I bet you'll find it under our bed in the toolbox. We have a toolbox under our bed for the sole purpose of trying to disprove all common sense Feng Shui. I'm sure that if you looked up the love and marriage corner in any Feng Shui book, it would be there in black and white:

"Do not place any sharp tools under your bed to promote an auspicious marriage corner. Unless of course you want to defy this and many other Feng Shui textbooks, then go ahead!"

I'm not sure how I should proceed in trying to cover it up. Have to add it to my list of many other things I am trying to cover up and hide. Like the gaping 3'x 1.5' hole in our living room that the late Mr. Ken Danby was kind enough to paint 'Morning Tide' and autograph a print so I could eventually use it to hide that hole! It was shortly after my placing the print there that poor Ken passed away paddling his canoe in Algonquin Park. I sure hope that this string of bad Feng Shui is not going to jump up and nip anyone in the bum in the middle of the night for placing vice grips under the bed!

signed, the willow